Meet Nicki
Her passion is empowering leaders to challenge and expand their thinking to increase performance, well-being, and joy in their lives. She is a life and executive coach with over 10 years of experience helping individuals and organizations achieve remarkable results. Nicki will help you achieve your power, live your purpose and create the freedom to live the life that you want. She loves delicious food traveling and adventures with her husband, Michael, and dog Pico de gallo. Nicki, welcome to the show.
So what do you recommend to others who struggle with finding out what it is that they want to do?
Yeah, I hear this. Often, I think, you know, most people can relate to that when they’re fresh out of college or even earlier now, I was in a conversation with one of my nieces who’s only 14. And she’s already grappling with what she wants to be when she grows up. So whether it’s, you know, trying to figure it out, what do I want to be, or people that are already established in careers, whether it’s five years 1015 or 20 years or more and, but want to explore whether they want to do something different or not. I’m a career changer, myself, I made a decision that I needed my career to be something I’m passionate about. And I struggled to figure out what I wanted to do. My background is in politics and government, I was Deputy Press Secretary for a state official when I lived in Pennsylvania. And it was an amazing experience and education and you know, to see how the government works and be a part of it. But I was deeply sad because I didn’t have that fulfillment that I knew I wanted. And not everyone needs to have that fulfillment or passion throughout their career. But I knew that I wanted that. So I hired a coach to help me figure out, you know what I wanted to do. And after much exploration, I fell in love with coaching, because I experienced and felt the exercises and tools and got the massive impact it had on me in my life. And there were a few things I had to take look at a really hard look in the mirror.
Lori: Wow, yeah, I agree. And I can relate to a lot of what you’re saying, and just my journey and a lot of different buckets, I don’t even know where to start with some of that. But one of the things I think you’ll find this quite entertaining, you’re talking about, like this negative talk that goes in our head. And through some of the coaching that I’ve gone through, you learn to kind of give it a name and tell it to shut up. I call mine a drunken monkey you’re drunk go home. But learning in that process to just realize that I am in control of the situation. And I am in control of you know, creating my destiny has allowed me to be who I am today and where I am today and build the path that I want to be in and you know, take take the long road or the fast path, you know, whatever route I want to go based on the experiences that I want in life and that’s what I find brings me the most joy is having new experiences. I think that’s what makes me bolder and stronger and gives me greater power. perspective. But it took me a long time to realize that.
What advice do you have to offer on the balance between work and life?
Yeah, this is a hot client issue. I mean, not even just with my clients, it’s everywhere. And I think everyone’s trying to crack the nut and figure it out. So I do see it in all fields and industries. I think if you’re an entrepreneur, the irony is most likely that you chose to do that to be your boss and have that autonomy. And then most of us, at some point, fall into that black hole of being a workaholic, which is the lesson that I learned, which I’m no longer by the way. But if you know, the same thing with an executive leadership role, time and time again, I just hear people say, Yeah, I took a role or took a promotion or want to do it. But my health and my family time, and my personal life is suffering. So it’s a widespread issue. And I would say the first step is that balance, like what that means to you, back to what we were talking about with joy, it has to be defined by you and you alone, understanding yourself and how you tick, this isn’t something that you can get from outside of you or that comparison that we tend to do with people. Because the answer is truly within you, right, like identifying your own needs from a holistic perspective? And it’s where we have to distinguish between, I’m sure you’ve heard the expression, don’t should on yourself, you know, shouldn’t you know, distinguish between that, right? It’s a slippery slope because there are expectations from our society, there are expectations whether you know, depending on the role in your family, different cultural expectations. And that takes a lot of discernment, like weeding through that, right? And I know it sounds like you did that for yourself to figure out what you needed. And same with me. And it’s an ongoing thing. All of this is ongoing.
Lori: Yeah I have invested time into this, but I by no means have a perfect plan flushed out. This is an evolution.
What do you say to the people that get stuck or don’t know where to begin?
Yeah, it’s a hard place to be, it’s painful. It’s really, it’s excruciating. And it can be frustrating. And so I would say there isn’t a one-size fits. So maybe some of these questions that I’m putting out here can be helpful. So my question would be, are you wanting to grow? Are you ready to get unstuck, is there no faking that, right? Like you’re either ready, or you need to make a change, which is scary. It’s going to ignite your fight or flight system, you’re going to be a drunk monkey or some version of that, and are you willing to hang in there too, make the change that life is bringing to you, otherwise, you wouldn’t be feeling stuck. If you’re feeling stuck, there’s a desire for something else or pain. And I’m using the pain in quotes, like the discomfort or frustration or pain of the situation you’re in isn’t working for you anymore. So you know, where do you want to grow? Do you want to grow emotionally? Do you want to grow as a leader? Do you want to grow in your leadership style? Or build a new skill set? Are you trying to attack a brand new goal? And so you know, those are the questions that I think are a good place to start. I would say a couple of other things that I think are important is that you know, we all do have blind spots. So whether it’s a coach or a therapist, or a trusted friend or your partner, a colleague at work, you know, asking for that feedback, asking them what do you see? Because it is very hard to see the water you swim in, right?
Can you share your most successful or favorite networking experience that you’ve had?
Yes, I would love to, and I think you hit the nail on the head with networking. I mean, it is most people dread it unless you’re super, super social. And it’s a super people person. So I’m glad you’re holding the torch for this and creating a platform for it. And I love that we can talk about it because it is such a huge part of being successful. Right? So absolutely. I do Well, I think how we got connected is a success story. So during the pandemic, I, you know, was ready to expand my network. And I started just jotting down movers and shakers and people who had been connected to through life that I wanted to know more about, or I felt like they believed in me, or we had enough of a connection, where I believed in them. I thought they were smart. I admired them for some reason. And then slowly just worked my way down the list. So one of them was our friends that we have in common, and had some awesome conversations with her, and also asked her, you know, I felt like we were at the point we’ve known each other now for several years, even though there had been big gaps of time we stayed in touch. And so, you know, I said, Here’s, I feel like you’re someone that believes in me and gets me and vice versa. And I’d love to if you were willing to connect me to people then you’re in at work that you think are stellar people, I’m looking for long-term relationships and connections. And if we don’t vibe, that’s fine. You know, I’m looking to see if there’s a spark there. Yes, there’s a connection that we can help each other and build and grow on and I agree with you. I feel like you’re only as strong as your network. And she connected the two of us. And then I knew you had a podcast, I had listened to several of the episodes, and we got on and we were just chit-chatting. And you asked if I wanted to be on your podcast. I was shocked. I had no idea how you picked your guest, or if you know how it all works. And it was such a delightful, surprising experience. And I’m excited to dig into your business and our love of development together and see where this goes.
How do you stay in front of and nurture those relationships in that network in that community that you create?
I was hoping to hear from you. Because I feel like you’re the guru on that, for that question, but I do want to hear from you at some point, whether it’s on the podcast or later. I hadn’t seen that. I think that you know, in person is such a special experience. And because of remote working and the pandemic that we’ve had in people’s lives, when we talk about their work-life balance, I think a mix of both of you know, if you need to do a quick LinkedIn message, or you know, to set up a conversation, I think that’s a nice thing to do. I think, you know if you have a newsletter, or you just pick up the phone and leave someone a message when you’re thinking of them, I think it can be overwhelming and intimidating. of you know, oh, how do I nurture my network? Right, that feels like a big mountain to climb. But I think that you know, there are ways to have it be genuine and fit into your life in a balanced way. I think just thinking about how, you know, just like you saying that out loud for the audience is like having them ask themselves, how do I nurture my network? Am I doing that? I need to get on it. So yeah, I do I just do my best to keep up and sometimes I do better than others.
What advice would you offer the business professionals looking to grow their network?
I think what you said about hosting events, I don’t I think just because you’re, you know, possibly new at networking doesn’t mean you can’t create a meetup or create some kind of themed event that would bring, like you said, back to your What are you trying to achieve, that would bring people together, whether it’s a specific industry related, like industries are a great place to start because they’ll bring people with a commonality together. But I think you can even make it fun to like if you have a specific sport, and you bring 50 people together, you’re likely to find someone in that, you know, a group that you can make a great connection to. I think just going for it as you said, you know, take the risk, reach out, send a note, ask someone for coffee, you can even have it on your goals, you know, once a week, ask someone for coffee or once a month, right? So you can track it and see, you know, am I doing it? Or is this just a nice lofty thought in my head? And like you said, be a valuable resource, I think asking how you can help. After you make the connection is where you truly get to know the person. And what they’re all about is, you know, always offering that if I can, like you say if I can ever be a resource or help to, you know, let me know, it feels so good to help someone out. And I think it is like you said that valuable like providing that value. And I think people might hear that and wonder, but I don’t know what value I have to provide. How do I know? You will find out because someone will have a need, and you’ll either have experienced it or you can make a referral. Or you can tell them about how it went when you had that particular thing happen. Yeah, that’s, that’s my advice.
What is the offer you’ve got for our listeners?
Yes. If anybody has been moved or inspired to further their development in any way, I would love to offer your listeners a 30-minute complimentary coaching session where they can take some time to reflect on some of the things that may have opened up during this podcast. And of course, it’s confidential and it’s professional at all, and it’s a way that I market, you know, to people. So it’s a way for me to share what I do. And I know that people will leave with tremendous value. So there’s no pressure to, you know, take on a coaching package or anything like that. But I know it will be a great experience. So if, you know, a listener wants this, just reference social capital that they were listening to the podcast, and we’ll set it up. There’s a form that they can fill out. There’s also Instagram. You can message me on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter, I’m on them all. My handle is Nikki Gorini. And we can just get connected there. And then we’ll, we’ll go from there.
Connect with Nicki
https://www.linkedin.com/in/domenica-nicki-gorini-pcc-executive-and-life-coach-70164a37/
Transcript
We've all heard it before. It's who you know. Welcome to Social Capital of weekly podcast that dives into social relationships and why the
Lori Highby:Hey, everybody, Lori Highby here, welcome to the social capital podcast. Our show notes are found at social capital podcast that
Lori Highby:the Follow button as I post daily information about marketing strategy tips, all podcast episodes and upcoming events. If you'd like to connect,
Lori Highby:guest is it Nicki Gorini. Nicki's passion is empowering leaders to challenge and expand their thinking in order to increase performance,
Lori Highby:Pico de gallo. Nicki, welcome to the show.
Speaker 3 00:02:00
Thanks, Lori. I'm really happy to be here.
Lori Highby:I love your dog's name. And I'm excited to have you here too.
Speaker 3 00:02:07
Oh, I do to it. It always makes everyone laugh. So I always stick it in my bio.
Lori Highby:I think it's perfect. I know that you you love what you do. And a lot of people struggle with finding out what it is that they want to
Speaker 3 00:02:26
Yeah, I hear this. Often, I think, you know, most people can relate to that when they're fresh out of college or even earlier now, I was
Speaker 3 00:02:58
or not. I'm a career changer, myself, I made a decision that I needed my career to be something I'm passionate about. And I really struggled to
Speaker 3 00:03:31
And not everyone needs to have that fulfillment or passion through their career. But I knew that I wanted that. So I had hired a coach to help me
Speaker 3 00:04:05
to say anything. I don't want to just come on and rant.
Speaker 3 00:04:13
So the first thing that I did in the states the same work I do whether you're you know, in an organization or whether you're a private client, so
Speaker 3 00:04:53
had to look at myself and challenge that crappy, critical disempowering story about who I was I wasn't who I wasn't or what I had done or not done
Speaker 3 00:05:24
brain or the lizard brain. And it's there to quote unquote, keep us safe in our little cave, so we don't go out and get eaten in the status quo. And so
Speaker 3 00:06:02
So you know, what that means is that we are 100% responsible for our own experiences of life. And at that point, when I was a career changer, I had
Speaker 3 00:06:35
the boat, or rocking the boat, or coming out of the cave, there's a higher level experience that is required to take that ownership. So the question
Speaker 3 00:07:08
blaming yourself or others. And it's very human of us to get caught into judgment of either ourselves back to the story, or others, or blame, and
Speaker 3 00:07:43
possibilities and creative pathways open up, and your life can massively change. And so that leads me to the final, you know, key piece is, when it
Speaker 3 00:08:17
chapters in life are going to require more of that than others. But sometimes we can just get in a rut of that's all we do. And so I think
Lori Highby:Wow, yeah, I agree. And I can I can relate to a lot of what you're saying, and just my own personal journey and a lot of different
Lori Highby:you're drunk go home. But learning in that process to just realize that I am in control of the situation. And I am in control of you know, creating
Lori Highby:stronger and gives me greater power. perspective. But it took me a long time to realize that.
Speaker 3 00:10:05
Yeah, I totally get that. And I thank you for sharing that. It's so awesome because not only did you put drunk, but you put monkey, which is
Speaker 3 00:10:33
know, you don't have to live your life from that place is essentially the work that I think you and I are talking about, but it's always going to be
Lori Highby:So let's move on to the next question here, as we're talking about just the passion in the business space, but obviously, we want to
Unknown:Yeah, this is a hot client issue. I mean, not even just with my clients, it's everywhere. And I think everyone's trying to crack the nut
Unknown:with an executive leadership role, time and time again, I just hear people say, Yeah, I took a role or took a promotion or want to do it. But my
Unknown:comparison that we tend to do with people. Because the answer is truly within you, right, like identifying your own needs from a holistic
Unknown:that takes a lot of discernment, like weeding through that, right. And I know it sounds like you did that for yourself to figure out what you
Lori Highby:Yeah I have invested time into this, but I by no means have a perfect plan flushed out. This is an evolution.
Speaker 3 00:13:21
I love that it's so it's, it's organic. It's an evolution. And as we go through different stages and phases of our lives, we're going to
Speaker 3 00:13:53
that and remove it off her plate and bring more things in that bring us that energy. And that light us up. I was doing a retreat a few years ago
Speaker 3 00:14:22
constantly heard, like, people just couldn't get past the difference between what they should do and what they wanted to do. So I just chucked
Speaker 3 00:14:49
it was so collapsed into each other for them. They hadn't really had the space and time to do that. So it's really powerful. And so go ahead
Lori Highby:I just I was acknowledging that yeah.
Speaker 3 00:15:03
Oh yeah, that's a good one to just, you know, self check on a regular basis. But um, so the second part of work life balance is people
Speaker 3 00:15:37
someone say that or has some kind of disempowering way of relating to it. But we know, it's never really about time. Everybody gets the same 24 hours
Speaker 3 00:16:07
you have boundaries, but you don't keep them. Or you take too much on and you're not realistic, or you don't ask for help, like, there's a list of
Speaker 3 00:16:41
deeper issue is, they feel selfish, if they want to just do stuff for themselves, or put themselves first. And we do a lot of retraining of what
Speaker 3 00:17:13
theirs. And, and, you know, they avoid that self care, because they don't want anyone they care about to be hurt. So that's really fascinating.
Lori Highby:And you have so much to unpack there, but I have so many more questions to ask you. Each question has its own show right now. You know,
Speaker 3 00:17:56
Yeah, it's a hard place to be, it's painful. It's really, it's really painful. And it can be really frustrating. And so I would say there
Speaker 3 00:18:26
a drunk monkey, or some version of that, and are you willing to hang in there to, to make the change that life is bringing to you, otherwise, you
Speaker 3 00:18:53
leadership style? Or build a new skill set? Are you trying to attack a brand new goal? And so you know, those are the questions that I think is a
Speaker 3 00:19:25
it's hard to, you know, frog doesn't remember that frog boiling story of frog if you stick a frog in lukewarm water, it won't even know it's boiling
Speaker 3 00:19:59
of So you always have choices, you always have options. And they might not be the choices or options you'd like me to, but they're there. And
Speaker 3 00:20:33
like Danger Zone, right? Like, you're gonna have to take some kind of risk. So I have put clients on an I don't know diet, where they are literally not
Speaker 3 00:21:05
brought up a therapy of therapists before. And I would say a lot of people do wonder like, well, when do I hire a coach? When do I hire a therapist?
Speaker 3 00:21:34
important for people to do that work. And you can look at coaching is present forward. So okay, maybe you've done therapy, maybe you haven't, you
Lori Highby:Yeah, well, again, there's so much to unpack there, but we got to keep moving on. And I love. I love everything that you're saying.
Unknown:Social capital is sponsored by Keystone click OK did in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Keystone clique is a strategic digital marketing agency focused
Lori Highby:Alright, thank you. So let's talk about networking a little bit. That is, my my overall intent of the show, it can definitely keep
Speaker 3 00:23:31
Yes, I would love to, and I think you hit the nail on the head with networking. I mean, it is most people dread it, unless you're super,
Speaker 3 00:24:06
And I started just jotting down movers and shakers and people who had been connected to through life that I wanted to know more about, or I felt like
Speaker 3 00:24:40
other now for several years, even though there had been big gaps of time we stayed in touch. And so, you know, I I said, Here's, I feel like you're
Speaker 3 00:25:14
can help each other and build and grow on because I agree with you. I feel like you're only as strong as your network. And she connected the two of
Speaker 3 00:25:45
business and our love of development together and see where this goes.
Lori Highby:Cool. That's fun. We'll have to, we'll have to let Katie daughter listen to this episode. And we were talking about you, Katie.
Speaker 3 00:26:20
And she has an amazing heart. She how she met my family is at a children's hospital, because I have a nephew that has a congenital heart
Lori Highby:Oh, yeah. 100%. It's, that's what it's all about. And that's actually carries it as my next question here is How do you stay in front of
Speaker 3 00:26:49
I was actually hoping to hear from you. Because I feel like you're the guru on that, for that question, but I do want to hear from you
Speaker 3 00:27:32
conversation, I think that's a nice thing to do. I think, you know, if you have a newsletter, or you just pick up the phone and leave someone a
Speaker 3 00:28:06
for the audience is like having them ask themselves, how do I nurture my network? Am I doing that? I need to get on it. So yeah, I do I just do my
Lori Highby:Well, okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna share because you're intrigued by my, my perspective, or how I'd answer this question, and I
Lori Highby:perspective. But I think that what's really important when it comes to nurturing your network is that you have to get very clear on what it is
Lori Highby:and resources that are available to us to take advantage of the one to many approach and that's where, like you said the newsletter or social media,
Lori Highby:front of people. But the other thing, and this is something that I learned just by having some amazing conversations on this show, and I've been
Lori Highby:And if you think about that, think about when you're on the receiving end of that someone that you haven't talked to in a while is reaching out to
Lori Highby:Sometimes it's as simple as you know, I'll send just a little heart emoji to my mom to let her know that I was thinking about her, you know, I don't
Lori Highby:happy birthday, because again, being on the receiving end of that I feel so much love. And so I want to give the love to. So it's a mix of the one to
Speaker 3 00:32:17
Love it. Agreed. And I did take notes. Okay, for living. So I I write really fast.
Lori Highby:Um, what advice would you offer the business professionals really looking to grow their network?
Speaker 3 00:32:38
I think what you said about hosting events, I don't I think just because you're, you know, possibly new at networking doesn't mean you can't
Speaker 3 00:33:14
specific sport, and you bring 50 people together, you're likely to find someone in that, you know, group that you can make a great connection to. I
Speaker 3 00:33:51
asking how you can help. After you make the connection like is there you really truly get to know the person. And what they're all about is, you
Speaker 3 00:34:23
someone will have a need, and you'll either have experienced it or you can make a referral. Or you can tell them about how it went when you had that
Lori Highby:I think that's very, very sound advice. And it definitely makes sense. It just, it's more doing than thinking about it. And you know,
Lori Highby:out of something or helping them solve a problem, whatever it was. But that at the end of the day, it's a win win because you feel good and that person
Speaker 3 00:35:20
agreed and it gets that energy moving. You get in motion.
Lori Highby:All right, I'm gonna give you the opportunity to interview me here. What is something you'd like to ask me?
Speaker 3 00:35:35
I would like to know being the Batman fan. That used to be what you thought of the new Batman movie?
Lori Highby:Um, goodness, there's so many new Batman movies nowadays. I don't I don't think I've seen it yet. The most recent one. Honestly, I
Speaker 3 00:35:57
Yeah, me and let me know what your thoughts are. Okay. So I'll reframe the question. How did you get into collecting Batman memorabilia?
Lori Highby:Oh, man, you know, I don't I don't even remember I just that but the first memory I have. I had like Batman pajamas. When I was a kid.
Lori Highby:buying Batman things like more old school memorabilia, you know, like the Adam West type stuff. Some really cool old lunchboxes. I have with Batman
Speaker 3 00:37:16
we've just spilled your secret out to all your Yeah, no,
Lori Highby:that was that was wide open. Everyone on this planet. Has any sense of knowing me. They know that I like Batman. Love Batman, like I have
Speaker 3 00:37:32
any more. Get ya know.
Lori Highby:Batman to get to Batman emblem on my car.
Speaker 3 00:37:42
It is he ever dressed up as that man for Halloween?
Lori Highby:I mean, that's a silly question.
Speaker 3 00:37:51
I'll take that as a yes. Yeah. We need a photo please.
Lori Highby:Not happening. Okay, gotta get back on track here. Yeah, anyways, there's a lot of things that I enjoy. I have a lot of passions.
Speaker 3 00:38:39
Oh, you're welcome. I had fun when I was reading it. I was like, Oh, that's awesome. My husband wants to go to the new Batman movie. Like,
Lori Highby:Yeah, I haven't seen it yet. I've been told it was good, though. So that's good. Here was good. Yeah, of course. You know, if a
Speaker 3 00:39:10
We'll be the judges of that if it's actually good or not based on Yeah,
Lori Highby:well, curious. Absolutely. Well, that was fun question. Thank you. So any final words or advice to offer our listeners with regards to
Speaker 3 00:39:24
Besides watching Batman? No, I think I think we're good.
Lori Highby:Okay, great. I hear you've got a offer for our listeners. You want to talk about that a little bit?
Speaker 3 00:39:35
Yes. If anybody has been moved or inspired to further their own development in any way, I would love to offer your listeners a 30 minute
Speaker 3 00:40:11
to, you know, take on a coaching package or anything like that. But I know it will be a great experience. So if, you know, a listener wants this, just
Lori Highby:Love it. All right, well include that information in the show notes for sure. As well as what is the best way for people to get in touch
Speaker 3 00:40:38
It honestly does not matter to me, on my website, there's a form that they can fill out.There's also Instagram. You can message me Facebook,
Lori Highby:Awesome. Well, you know what, this was super fun. I don't think I've laughed as hard as this episode ever. Thank you for bringing
Speaker 3 00:41:20
Thank you so much for having me. And I just love that the fact that I got here was my my favorite networking story. So I love being there.
Lori Highby:Absolutely. All right, this wraps up our episode of social capital. Huge thank you to Nikki for taking the time to connect with us. As
Unknown:That's all for this episode of the social capital podcast. Visit social capital podcast.com For shownotes more episodes, and to see who will